Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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