Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
