I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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