Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
