So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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