I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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