Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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