why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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