I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
