My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
