Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
