I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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