Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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