A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I touched a dick in church today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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