and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
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