my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
