Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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