how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
