Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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