just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
