Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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