Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
