I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Duck Duck Cougar?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
