The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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