Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
