Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
