break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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