No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
