I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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