Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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