You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
