Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
