he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
