All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
