Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
