I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
