Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
