Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
