Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
