mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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