New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
