were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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