it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
