He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I fill condoms, not promises.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
