I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
