About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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