True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
