OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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