you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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