I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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