I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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