He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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